jangymillan's Xanga

Monday, November 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:38:14 GMT

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 15:37:57 GMT

when i was young, i used to live a life i like!
i like my friends, i like my school, i like myself!
but unluckily, i kinda had, what id like to call, "a series of unfortunate events"!

when i was in grade school, up till 2nd year high school, life was good!
life didn't give much pain in the ass!
people loved me for who i am, and i loved them in back!
the only thing that's making life hard for me is my annoying, unruly, untamed, freaking wavy hair!
now, my world seemed to have turned up side down!
although my hair isn't that beautiful the way i want it to look, its a lot more ok now than it was before!
the things that use to be fine back then,
seems to be making a toll on me now!
i loathe my school, i loathe the situation i am now with my peers in my school, i loathe myself!!

when i was 3rd yr high school, a lil controversy sprung in my previous school and i had to transfer!
i think it was because my dad didn't want me to study in a so-called "christian" school lacking with values.
i was convinced by his words, so i transfered!

i transfered to a school with a nice educational standard! but, on my first day there, i cried so much cuz i was so culture shocked!
people there were so much different from the people in my old school! people kasi from my old school has breeding, most of them come from well-to-do families,, and they have class! in my new school, the stereotype was more of the unclassy type! so ang hirap mag adjust!
my first year in that school was rough! a lot of them didnt like me because i was maarte daw,, i was even referred to as a bitch coz one time i wore mini skirt!
so since i am a stupid person who wanted social acceptance i adapted stuffs from them, and slowly, i became like them!
totoo pla ung saying nah, once you put a fresh tomato in a box full of rotten ones, it will spoil either!
i talk like trash,, i act like trash!!
so after two years of shit,, i graduated! and off i go to college!!
college was more horrible for me!!
same situation,, just worse group of people!
they're dull- witted people! they dont know what the word "slacker" means! they are big fans of captain barbel, eat bulaga and all those SHIT!!

and i think i can say,, you cant blame me for being like this!! for feeling the way im feeling!! since i was young till i was in 2nd year,, i was brought up to act as an educated person and not like some out of school youth like these people im with now!!

im desperate for someone to pull me out of this quicksand!!
i feel like im out of people to care! i feel like ive never made deep connections with my so-called friends because time did not permit us and we had to be separated for quite sometime! now i find myself , hating the world for being so mean! for making me feel isolated alone here in the dark! without anyone to cling on to! i just LOATHE life! i loathe myself! i blame myself for everything, but i know its not all my fault!! but i feel responsibe for everything thats been going on!! so blame me all you want now!! i would even let you kill me if you would!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 07:39:29 GMT

2 more years and im done! i want to get out of my freakin school!
its dirty, its stupid and irrefutably hideous!
the school is like an excuse for college students and professors, to say they're doing something with their lives!
hallways are filthy, classrooms are awful, professors are WALANG KWENTA!
its totally not conducive for learning, who would want to study there!?
i honestly dont know what i did to deserve this!
para akong pinaparusahan sa school ko!
im with bunch of "simple minded" people, and in some strange ways, i feel like im bound with them!
they dont know simple words such as slack, words usually teens use like orgy, hickies and stuffs!
bobo diba!? i dont mean to be mean! but hey, these guys are the very people i hang out with every damn day!
like one guy said, how can you fly like an eagle when your surrounded with turkeys!
tama pla yung saying nah, once you put a fresh tomato in a box filled with rotten ones, it'll rot with them!
and yah, i feel like a rotten tomato with these guys! they talk about captain barbel, girls who dances n eat bulaga!
come on! im just being real! dont want to be mean!
i know theyre my so called friends, but, i dont realy think theyre good for me!

i want to transfer. but if i do, id be a freshman again, and my two years in college, efforts, money, time, and a lot more, put to waste!
ill be back to square one!

i heard a news that a friend just passed in the ateneo and i am dying with envy!
oh well, my plans include studying again after graduation so, well see!
cant wait to get out of my damn school!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 14:21:06 GMT

i heard a news that someone is, soon, going to be living in the states.
i had the most surreal reaction. i was not suppose to care! not suppose to bother at all.
hes someone from the past. someone i have learned to get over with.
but this loneliness has got to mean something.
honestly, i was hoping we'd get to hang out again like we used to. be good friends again, and eventually, just like before, be something more than just friends. without our own hang ups this time.
guess my fantasies are really meant to be just fantasies. they're not going to become reality.
i think i'm like this just because we never had a formal closure. i deserve a closure! i deserve a freakin explanation! i deserve to know why i had to be treated like i was.
oh well, now i know how important closures are! they aren't just to make a break up formal. it is something that explains why everything had to end! it makes your moving on a real moving on!
well, theres youtube anyway. i can always see him, when i feel like missin him..

was suppose to meet up with my bestfriend today. but due to circumstances, we were not able to meet.
why now? why now, when things aren't well? when things make me feel damn miserable!
i feel like ive hit the bottom! im honestly at the lowest, most depressing point in my life!

I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather.
I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of Sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 11:11:35 GMT

my first major ever! may marketing 1 nah ko!! ang saya!! my prof was like "as a marketing executive...",, "so if u are the marketing executive...",, "what marketing executives do is..."! and i could just feel my heart pounding with 'kilig' everytime she says "MARKETING EXECUTIVE". just so you know, that my friends, is my dream position when i work!! i could imagine myself wearing channel,, prada,, gucci,, and all that stuffs,,!! hai grabe,, kinikilig tlga ako!!

just today,, i heard a rumor about mr. dream guy! nah isa pla xang malaking JERK! he broke up with his ex through text,, and he went something like,, "lets break up! i found someone new!" tae,,!! anong klase un,,?! i thought he was different,, but i was deceived!! wla na nga pla lalakeng matino ngaun!! lahat SELF-CENTERED JERKS,, CLUELESS and STUPID!!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 16:42:38 GMT

Just now, i feel like a total dumb ass!! i want to be able to write a good entry for my blog,, but i feel like my lack of intelligence is hindering me to do so. Just finished watching oprah,, and surprisingly,, their topic was about the status of education in the United States. i was so surprised to be informed that 50% of students in some states,, drops out from HIGHSCHOOL mostly at the age of 16!! i mean,, hell,, third year lang ako nyan,, and back then,, i had no plans at all to drop out from highschool,,!! grabeh naman pla ang mga youth sa US! they have all the opportunity in the world to have a good future,, and they seem to just throw it away!! kaya nman pla,, madami filipino youth na pag nakapag-aral na sa US,, ang ganda ng grades,, samantalang dito,, feeling ko ang slow nung person na un!! (ang mean ba,,?! haha,,) anyway,, there were lots of things in the show that surprised me. there were lots of issues that made me think that americans are just similar to what filipinos are. that there are no racial differences,, even if their country is the riches country in the face of the earth,, and ours is just a third world. like us,, they're just lazy folks who would rather dropout of school than get their butts to study. kung tutuusin,, they are lucky to be given the things they need. spoon-fed na nga sila actually eh. good school facilities,, lots of highschool students in the US have CARS! alot of them are not below poverty line unlike us filipinos!! nakakainis sila!! sana nakikita nila ung blessings that they have!! i mean,, fine,, im not the most responsible student in pinas,, but hell,, marunong ako magpa importante "kahit papano" sa stuffs na meron ako!!

after watching the show,, i was really challenged to be a better student!! i dont want to be compared with those stupid blondies IN ANY WAY!! i dont want to be labeled dumb,,!! i want to study!! educate myself!! read books with sense!! widen my vocabulary,,!! make straight A's (but this one seems impossible,,!! haha,,) lets just say,, make satisfactory grades!! make the most out of my time in school,,!! it'll be over in 2 years anyway,,!! sayang nman tuition!! i learned kasi that time passed is time away,,!! sobrang pinagsisisihan ko na hindi ako nag-aral mabuti when i was in highschool,,!! when i still had the chance to enter a good univesity,,!! edi sana atenista ako ngaun!! hehe,,!! if only i had my priorities right,,!! sayang talaga!! i just thank God that there are always second chances!! thats the beauty of life,,!!

THIS SERVES AS BIG SLAP IN THE FACE TO PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DOES NOT VALUE EDUCATION AT ALL!!! SHIT,, SHAME ON YOU DUDE!!! learn from my mistakes,,!! dont make yourself regret,,!! mahirap un!! nakaka inis sa pakiramdam!! its never too late to create yourself a good future!!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 15:45:32 GMT

seen xmen 3 a while ago,, and i found it good! not spectacular though,, but it was good,,!! hugh jackman is the sexiest thing on earth,,!! ay hindi,, si wolverine pla!! he looks better,, and damn sexier in the movie with his hair pulled up,, and when he's wearing that little white kamiseta on,,!! OH.MY.GOSH.!!!

it was my first time to watch in sm's new renovated cinemas,, and i can say it was really GOOD!! kaso panira yung mga jologs sa likod,,!! the 'out-of-school youth' kind,, na "mala-mark herras" magsalita,,!! argh,, it just pisses me off,,!! i started thinking to myself,, "they are the damn reason why its better to watch movie in other malls,,!!" as usuall,, my brother's patience was really short,, so he looked back and started shouting at them,,!! haha,, he was like,, "shut up bitch,,!!" it was really funny,, i could not stop myself from laughing out loud!! natahimik sila eh,,!!

back with the movie,, i hate the fact that my favorite character lost her powers!! HINDI NA MUTANT SI MYSIQUE!! and i didnt get to see cyclops that long!! it was like one scene,, then hes gone,,!! professor x died because of jean grey,, or should i say phoenix,, and then mr. hottie,, wolverine,, killed jean grey,,!! i hated storm's hair-do,, but i loved jean grey,,!! she is SO damn hot!!

out of ten,, id give the movie a 6,,!! the fight scenes were nice din nman kasi,,!! but it was just sooo 'bitin'!! i liked the previous ones more,,!! hai whatever,, i just wish i could take wolverine home,,!!

Monday, May 29, 2006

Mon, 29 May 2006 13:18:58 GMT

last night,, nissy and i made a deal. Nah gagawa kami ng blog about our PLANS in life. she already posted hers in her blog sa blogspot! so now,, heres mine...

short-term:
look for a job!!

july 2006:
puerto with friends. 18 na ko! might as well welcome my 'womanhood' with my friends who have been with me since my 'childhood'.

october 2006:
puerto for sembreak! take a week off away from all the pollution,, stress and noise of the metropolitan. time to unwind, relax, party, have fun!!

(mura kasi sa puerto! 500 a night,,?! what d u think? )

long-term:
april 2009:
school's finally OVER! rejoice and celebrate in the beautiful island of bora!! maybe somewhere else out side the coutry!! (sagot nman ng 'rents eh! hehe,, ) by this time,, job hunting na din. new bestfriends,,? resume, classified ads and the ever reliable,, internet. small time job lang muna gusto ko. i dont want to harass myself with an 8-hour job while studying for my masterals,,! mga tipong call center types muna!

first pay check: plasma tv for my fam! the second one? of course,, 'SHOPPING'!

june 2009:
after about two months of vacation and rest from all the fuzz from learning,, back to school ulit ako! enroll for my MBA,, maybe sa lasalle,, UP or in AIM,,!!

age 23:
tapos na masterals ko!! yahoo!! by this time,, im in search nah for that company that would enable me to practice my degree. (may edge ako from the rest kasi may MBA ako,,!! haha,,) yabang!

age 24-28:
God willing may stable job na ko,,!! i already have a car, couple of louise vuitton, gucci and fendi bags and a 'nag-uumapaw' na walk-in closet! haha,,!
- send my parents on a trip abroad for a couple of months,,!
- make-over our house while my parents are away,,
- shop every 15th and 30th with denise,,
- distress myself and go clubbing with some friends every friday,,
- relaxation and spa day with my mom every saturday,,
- hopefully by this age,, id be able to meet mr. right,, and we'd have dinner together every after work,,!! (kilig,,)
- focus with my career as, hopefully, a marketing executive in some nice company. (ambisiosa ba?! well,, wala kang pake!!) haha,,!!
- save. save. save.

age 28:
start to ask God if im the marrying type,,!! (malay natin diba,,?! batchelorette type pala ako,,!! )
but if yes sagot ni God,, then by this time im planning nah for my big day sa 'Tagaytay High Lands' or maybe sa 'Terrazas de Punta Fuego' with all the special people in my life present in one occasion,,!! with my ate as my maid-of-honor,, cha,, tj,, gem, karl and love and li sa chord,, vail and candle,,!! haha,, all planned out,,!!

well basically,, those are the plans i have in mind,,! but still,, He had my life all figured out for me even before i was born,,!! if these plans of mine are not His plan for me,, then let His will be done,,!! i believe that His ways are higher than mine,, and His plans for me are alot more better that the plans i have for myself,,!! Sana lang plan ni Lord nah drop-dead-gorgeous ung other-half ko,,!! haha,,

RED DAW AKO?!

Wed, 24 May 2006 06:45:45 GMT

"Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.."

Monday, May 22, 2006

Mon, 22 May 2006 05:24:50 GMT

lets start blogging properly. since theres nothing else to do,, i'll blog,,!

the tv got busted for reasons we could not understand.. all we can see are this static 'ant-like' stuffs inside,,! argh, bad trip,,!! bat nman ngaun pah?! kung kelan walang magawa!!

so i just,, surfed the net and messed around sa friendster,,!! i found myself looking at mr. dream guy's profile,,!! he's just so... everything,,!! everything that i was looking for in a guy,, nasakanya nah,,!! too sad lang,, he's got a girl..

the gurl was pretty,, charming,, mabait and really religious,,! personality wise,, were totally opposites,,!! they're totally bagay,,!! haha!

poor me,, i sound like a pathetic biotch,,! haha,,! but dont get me wrong,, im not inlove with this guy! he doesnt even know my name! i guess.. schoolmates lang kasi kami nung highschool,,! maybe he would recognize my face nman when we see each other somewhere,,!! hehe,,

i want this stupid summer vacation to be over!! napaka walang kwenta!! inamag lang ako dito sa bahay! i want to go back to school! i wanto fix nah my sched! i want to have 'baon' again,, save that money up,, and SHOP! leche pag walang pasok,, walang income! i swear, next summer di na ganito!! mag ssummer classes na ko,, so atlease,, im keeping myself busy,, may pera pa!
argh,, kasumpa- sumpa ang summer ko,,!! nakakasuklaaaaam!!!

anyway,, nissy and i had this bet,,! nah patagalan kami magka boyfriend! haha,, im dedicated to this,,!! are you nis? i wanna win this thing,,!! haha,,

IM BACK BLOGGING,,!! see yah around bitches,,